An Interview with a Video Game Vampire: Gamertell sits down with Count Dracula

With the spookiest night of the year on tap, Gamertell thought we would take some time to talk with the most famous vampire in, really, all of pop culture.

With the spookiest night of the year on tap, Gamertell thought we would take an interview with the most famous vampire in, really, all of pop culture. As the villain in Castlevania , Count Dracula has been keeping gamers up late into the night since the days of the Nintendo Entertainment System. With that series’ popularity not being as high as it used to be, we wondered what sort of spirits (heh heh, spirits, get it?)... Oh forget it.

Gamertell’s Brian Allen had a cautious sitdown with the man, myth and legend that is Count Dracula.

Gamertell: First, let me say it is an honor sir. I’ve been a lifelong fan of the Castlevania series.

Count Dracula: I did it for the cash. I’ve never even played one of those nerdy things. I’m the Prince of Darkness, here!

Thanks for your brutal honesty, sir.

No reason for anything else. Life’s too short - at least for you mortal schlubs - to beat around the bush. Are there gonna be some hard hitting questions or you gonna keep blowin’ smoke up my cape?

No, no. Let’s get right to it. The Castlevania series has taken on a unique spin in recent years, even including a fighting game.

Hey, hey! They said there wouldn’t be any Castlevania: Judgment questions. Me and Simon Belmont needed the cash, OK? We used stuntmen. The whole idea was ridiculous. I still have nightmares about that controller waggling.

Wasn’t going to get into that until later but how is Simon? There was a rift between you two..

There was a rift in how much we got paid. I was the icon in this series. Who was Simon Belmont before Castlevania? Some game hero! The guy couldn’t even swim!

You sound a little bitter. You appeared to battle other heroes even after Simon left the series, so why the animosity?

Look, I kid the guy. Who didn’t after that Captain N fiasco? But you know, we had a chemistry. The games weren’t the same without Simon. We went together like Fred and Ginger, Batman and Robin…

Sonic and Tails?

What are you, trying to get me to turn into a bat and fly out of here?

In truth, Castlevania has lived an entirely new life on Nintendo’s DS. Those are among the highest rated games in the series.

Yeah, I’m still big. It’s the consoles that got smaller. The old days were great, though. Even other games referenced our work. Remember Psycho Mantis in Metal Gear, when he read the memory card? “You like Castlevania, don’t you?” Now Psycho Mantis, that freak was creepy. But it’s great to be respected by your peers.

That’s why it’s funny you see your Simon Belmont partnership as the pinnacle of Castlevania history. Many feel Symphony of the Night, in which you battled your son Alucard, was actually the best game. No love for that one?

Do not even get me started on that whiny brat of a son of mine! He’s all, “I hate my dad and I’m so tortured,” yet that never stops him from using the pale skin and vampire charms he inherited from me to pick up an endless assortment of goth chicks at raves!

Simon was more of a son than me than that punk and he’s killed me two, three, I don’t even remember how many times! You want to know about Castlevania Judgment? Not only was Alucard a full participant, the whole thing was his idea. Kids love fighting games, dad. Maybe in 1992 they did! You know what’s more out of style than Castlevania? Freakin’ fightin’ games! Hello Tekken! The panda thing was cute three games ago, now it’s just weird.

What do you think of today’s crop of vampires? Twilight, for example?

Those vampires are even more wussy than that no account son of mine. It’s embarrassing. This is supposed to be the hottest exclusive club in the world. You get past this velvet rope, you get to live forever! Why the 902010 nonsense? You’ll be around in 300 years and she won’t be. Trust me, first time she needs Botox and you’re still standing there looking the same way you did at 16, she won’t be able to get rid of you fast enough.

What’s your take on today’s horror games?

I’ll tell you this, zombies are done. I talked to one of the original cast members of Living Dead and he said if he’d known how it would have turned out, he wouldn’t have done the movie. What kind of a villain is a slow, shambling brainless cretin anyway? Give’ em a rest, game industry. I defy Frank West to survive the weekend in a shopping mall full of vampires, I don’t care how many wars he’s covered.

Interesting. Well, what is the world’s most famous vampire doing these days?

Reality TV, baby! My agent’s got a lot of irons in the fire. We’re talking with VH1 about a dating show, Fox wants me to hang out with the Octomom, and we’ve got our fingers crossed about Dancing With the Stars. Reaper’s jazzed about that one.

Reaper as in the Grim Reaper from the original Castlevania?

Yeah, he’s been in TV production for years.

Well, there’s a stretch. Thanks for taking some time out of your Halloween weekend.

There’s another rip! I don’t see a dime from those knockoff costumes!

Any-hoo, happy Halloween and thank you.

Thank you. By the way, what blood type are you?

Uh, gotta go. Thanks again.